Last night I was oddly emotional. At one point I hid in the bathroom to just have a moment.
By the end of the night, I couldn’t really hide it from Andy. He was confused, “what is wrong with you?”
And like a the really mature woman that I am, “I don’t know! I don’t know.” Sob. Sob.
“Um. OK.”
So today I am processing.
This is my best guess right now…as I do think tears are worth exploring:
Spent several hours yesterday meeting with charity: water staff.
Love them. Had met a couple of them before. But it was fun to put faces with names for the rest of the people that I deal with via email ect.
They were kind and generous and lovely. They work extremely hard. Dedicated, committed to the cause. I believe in them fully.
Yet we are in NYC. I was sitting in an office boardroom. There were white boards and computers and interns and ringing phones and appointments to be kept.
And it was so hard to communicate. How do you convey that this Water journey started here for me:
With my own child fighting for his life.
Which lead our family to completely alter our course…to move toward suffering rather than away…to begin to force ourselves to look outward.
Which lead to this:
And with that the awareness of mothers around the world. And a burning drive to speak for them.
It’s just so personal.
The reason why we volunteer our time. The reason why we keep doing this. The reasons why we can’t sleep.
It’s personal. It’s part of the story of our family. My kids.
I can’t talk about it without tearing up.
And I kind of get frustrated with myself.
Buck up, Jody.
It’s a stinking whiteboard.
Tension.
Am I right for this?
Is it too personal?
Have we taken it as far as we can?
Doubt. Fear. Insecurity.
Now I can process this. I know it’s ridiculous.
But it’s real and part of the process.
And the bottom line is I’m pretty sure I couldn’t stop if I wanted to.
Because it is part of me. It has awakened something….it is God’s heartbeat I hear.
And I’m addicted to it’s sound.
It’s personal. So be it. I’ve got to channel it somehow…
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
amen.
“it’s God’s heartbeat….i’m addicted to it’s sound”
love that…
jody – i’m pretty sure that more people than you’ll ever know have been awakened to this view on suffering because of your testimony. i, for one, through you and quincy, realized the suffering we experienced over 11 years ago wasn’t about us. it became about God and growth through the suffering and using the suffering to create purpose in our lives. i do believe because it is so very personal for you that water has become personal for so many others. and that, I believe, is how God works in and through people. your transparency and honest processing allows others to embrace their suffering and instead of dwelling on it in self-pity, grow through it to make a difference. awesome post.
I’d like to suggest that when you feel that your arm is tiring from holding the staff, that’s when those of us that support you will help hold your arm in the air.
You are an amazing woman, and wonderfully able to carry the load you have been given — when you forget that, we will be here to remind, love and support you!!
I think it is amazing how one person can do so much in this huge world. It is hard for me to put into words the impact that you and others have made on me on this clean water journey. I hope that I’m that person for others too. We are changing lives in Africa that is amazing in itself and then we are changing lives here in many states/countries too. All of it is amazing.
what “they” said…they said it so well.
God has used you in magnificent ways…as only HE can.
thanks for letting Him…keep processing!
that’s where you’ll find Him!
and what He has for you.
It’s because it’s so ‘personal’ that you’re able to do this. That I’m able to follow your lead. That so many of us are touched by you and your passions and making wrong into right. Thank you for taking the risk. Thank you for turning your hurt and sadness into joy and life for so many people. I believe that that is the way that God created it. That’s the way that we make His Words true when He says, “all things work together for good for those who love Him”. I believe in this dream of clean water for all. We all do! Keep pushing forward. Allow yourself to grieve. I believe that Jesus’ is grieving with you. We’re all behind you. Thanks again for leading the way.
Oh, Jody, It IS because it’s so personal that we have been changed forever right along with you.
Quincy’s story changed me.
Your journey to adoption changed me.
Zeke and Kora changed me.
Water for Christmas changed me.
I am only one very small part of this water movement.
I want to do more and I will.
One thing I know.
I would have done NOTHING if it were not for you.
Keep listening to that heartbeat.
Thank you so much for letting us in on the pain and the joy and the blessing.
Honestly?
To see and feel suffering is the greatest power of change one person can ever experience in their lives…
It all rests in the aftermath…
What do we do with those feelings? What do we do to promote change? And will we stay the course?
I’ve never struggled with the threatened death of a child (I don’t know if I could live through it) but I have suffered through the untimely death of a beloved husband… and it changed me forever.
I see the change and aftermath has been wonderful for you. I only hope someday to be able to give as much of myself as you do
Dana
Which has lead to you also changing so many other lives Jody! Comfypacks and my love for water4christmas were a result of coming to your blog. Thanks for the inspiration. You continue to inspire me Jody, thank you!
so true Jody….so true. So personal that it’s not just a job or a volunteer position. It’s life. It’s my heart. It feels vulnerable even when I work or meet with others. It’s God’s heartbeat and I’m addicted too. LOVE this post sweet friend.
When are you coming to COS? I love your heart girl
Brandi
this was amazing to read, jody. i love how your story began and how you’re following God’s call!!!!!
Jody,
It was lovely to see you when you were in New York. Thank you for including me on your NYC itinerary – our morning together was such an encouragement to me… as all my interactions with you have been.
You are an inspiration – a beautiful example of living life for something bigger than yourself, for generosity of time and spirit, and for believing we must participate in His larger story.
Thank you for everything you are doing for the cause!
oh, that little plaster cast. they should never have to make them that small. But God has used that very personal beginning to bring about great things in your life which have rippled on to many others. We also recently took a trip to NYC, just the two of us—a fun place to get away!