1.Reading Half the Sky help put my American suffering to shame real quick.
2. Andy made a full confession. And despite the earthquake that followed and the complete falling away of the earth beneath him, he already recognizes it as his best day. Freedom.
3. I am more connected. More in love. Than ever before. I am more confident of Andy’s love for me than ever. I know that’s hard to understand, but it’s true.
4. Am I claiming we are done doing the hard work? Nope.
Is sin ever a good thing? Nope.
Is it still super painful sometimes? Yes.
Do I think we should view sin any lighter? No way.
I just want to celebrate grace more. Redemption more. Freedom more.
Despite what we’re prone to report, sin is not newsworthy. But redemption is.
Redemption is the miracle. The downfall is not the story. And the redemptive story is just beginning.
5. Good, exciting things are waiting for us. This is a good transition. This freedom for Andy had to come first. There was no way to move on without it. We needed this pain.
We are taking it with us, never to forget.
And moving forward in excitement.
In gratefulness.
Because we don’t deserve it…yet it’s good.
Even more, He’s good.
Really good.
April 30, 2010
I will add to it as I have time.
I’m busy answering questions today, remember? Doesn’t leave much time for anything else around here.
*Half The Sky(Turning Oppression into Opportunity Worldwide For Women)
Good read about the horrors and challenges women face around the world and how we can be a part. Pretty hard to feel sorry for myself when reading it.
*TrueFaced (Trust God and others with who you really are).
This is a fascinating little book. Working my way through it. Eye-opening perspective in a lot of ways. I like it. This articulates part of the process Andy is especially working through.
*Turn My Mourning into Dancing (Finding Hope in Hard Times)
Devoured this book several times in the last couple months.
*Prodigal God(Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith)
I think I’m kind of in love with Tim Keller. Sometimes he talks a little over my head, but I know that what he is saying is amazing and so I hang on every word..and pretend to understand. We’re considering moving our family of 8 into a one bedroom apartment in NYC so we can attend his church. (not really…but maybe…)
April 30, 2010
You know what I really stink at right now?
Being a Mom.
Not doing a great job of that right now.
There is just not much left to give. It’s not good. I’m trying.
My complete failure might of be evidenced in this conversation I had this morning with a friend as her 2 year old and my 4 year olds ran circles around us. They were loud and asking incessant questions.
She said, “I was so sick the other day that I just ignored all of Ayla’s questions.”
Me: “Oh. I do that every day.”
My friend lifted her eyes to look at me a little concerned.
Me: “Well…they ask stupid questions.”
Friend: “Jody….they are four.”
I started to say…”Well, when they ask smarter questions, I will answer them.”
(now those of you that don’t know me personally…I was kind of kidding. Don’t worry TOO much).
But that’s so wrong.
And I’m so pathetic right now.
So today…I’m answering all the questions…all the stupid questions.
And kissing them. And hugging them. And praising them.
Because that’s what I need to do.
That’s what they need.
And this is not about me.
April 30, 2010
OK, so yes. A “currently reading” list. I will do that…soon…I promise.
Pretty good day here.
There is so much going on in my heart and mind these days.
It’s good stuff. I’m pretty sure it’s good stuff.
I feel strength rising.
However, being the sole caretaker of my crew this week…I haven’t been able to sit down and process it properly.
I hope to soon…I promise.
I wish I had a couple hours left in me.
But I don’t.
I’m going to bed.
April 29, 2010
Phone update…which means even more fragment sentences than I usually have.
Decent day. One kid home “sick.”
Another I kept home from preschool because he is driving his teachers crazy. Our current life may contain a number of “triggers” for him. Probably best he stay close to Momma for awhile.
Andy made it last night. Has a full day today. Lots of firsts for him…firsts in his new self. I’m super proud of him and word is that he is doing great. I believe it.
I would enjoy a nap. And that’s not going to happen.
I also love my friends. Love them.
I also am feeling rather strong today.
April 29, 2010
“Concretely, abandonment to the will of God consists of finding HIS purpose for you in all the people, events, and circumstances you encounter. If God tears up your beautiful game plan and leads you into a valley instead of onto a mountaintop, it is because He wants you to discover HIS plan, which is more beautiful than anything you or I could have dreamed up. The response of trust is “Thank you, Jesus,” even if it is said through clenched teeth.”
(Brennen Manning)
April 29, 2010
These are some unrelated, random thoughts from Tim Keller.
All of them made me pause. And I love them, they make me think…so I’m posting them.
“We do not have to make ourselves suffer in order to merit forgiveness. We simply receive the forgiveness earned by Christ. 1 John 1:9 says that God forgives us because He is ‘just.’ That is a remarkable statement. It would be unjust of God to ever deny us forgiveness, because Jesus earned our acceptance! In religion we earn our forgiveness with our repentance, but in the gospel we just receive it.”
“The Bible’s purpose is not so much to show you how to live a good life. The Bible’s purpose is to show you how God’s grace breaks into your life against your will and saves you from the sin and brokenness otherwise you would never be able to overcome… religion is ‘if you obey, then you will be accepted’. But the Gospel is, ‘if you are absolutely accepted, and sure you’re accepted, only then will you ever begin to obey’. Those are two utterly different things. Every page of the Bible shows the difference.”
(We are talking a lot about this in our house…how do we teach our kids this. It’s missed often in the modern, American Christianity…and I do believe it is plays into the downfalls of many. It’s one of those things Andy never fully grasped. And though my sins are different, I’m not sure I have either).
“Jesus’s teaching consistently attracted the irreligious while offending the Bible-believing, religious people of his day. However, in the main, our churches today do not have this effect. The kind of outsiders Jesus attracted are not attracted to contemporary churches, even our most avant-garde ones. We tend to draw conservative, buttoned-down, moralistic people. The licentious and liberated or the broken and marginal avoid church. That can only mean one thing. If the preaching of our ministers and the practice of our parishioners do not have the same effect on people that Jesus had, then we must not be declaring the same message that Jesus did.”
(Tim Keller)
April 28, 2010
Everyone is not in bed yet.
But I’m going to go ahead and declare it a good day.
This is what I decided today:
I’m done trying so hard.
I think it is actually a really healthy, spiritual, God-honoring thing.
It’s a revelation brought on by a book I’m reading.
Stop trying. Trust only.
And I think it is onto something.
I’ll touch on it later.
When I can think.
Right now, I can’t think.
Because my brain is still fried from cleaning fumes and the gas exhaust from running to kids ALL over tonight for 5 hours.
So for now, I’m going to bed too.
With a glass of blackberry merlot.
Because I want to.
Good night.
April 28, 2010
A two part story for you–
Part One:
If you want to buy my house.
Today would be a good day to look at it.
Because I spent all day cleaning.
(All except the part where I went to pick up a child that was throwing up at school…to bring him home and banish him to the outside while I scrambled to finish the house…I told him he could sleep in the car…he’s OK…don’t worry).
ANYWAY, the house is ready for the afternoon showing.
And it will essentially need to be completely redone after the children brush their teeth once, or pee, or walk in the door.
So today would be a good day to sell the house.
The End.
Part Two:
Andy spent the day in the Moline airport…but I do think he will arrive at his destination by nightfall…a good 10 hours late.
He was in good spirits.
He now wears a seat belt and doesn’t get frustrated at airports. A new man, I tell you.
I miss him.
The End.
April 28, 2010
So Andy leaves tomorrow for 5 days.
Not excited about that.
He did, however, get this for me today for while he is gone…
I don’t think that is going to last 5 days.
And it’s clearly no mystery why my body is falling apart.
We are showing the house tomorrow.
That’s good. I hope.
And we have a very busy week-end.
I’ve been a bit of a baby lately…letting Andy take care of me.
Looks like I’m going to have to buck up here for awhile.
I think I can do it.
I’ll start the morning with a prayer and a handful of gummy sugar and we should be good…
April 27, 2010
